The Biggest Lie We're Told As Women [Podcast EP 50]

Why do men cheat? The answers to this question that you'll find online or that a cheater will tell you are the biggest lies we are told as women. The answers are made to make us feel as though we are somehow responsible for their behavior and that we have the power to change it.

Cheater/society: "All men cheat."

Mainstream media response: "8 ways to spice up your love life so he doesn't want to cheat!" 

In this episode I'll be referencing the work of therapist Dr. Robert Weiss in his article, 13 Reasons Why Men Cheat and applying the Gumball Love concept so we can understand the difference between the lies and the bad dating advice, and the truth and good dating advice.

You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or Spotify, or listen on Youtube.

But first! Self-Care Tip of the Week

Get a facial monthly or quarterly! Facials are a time for relaxation. You get to put the phone away and just let go for an hour. Our faces hold so much tension throughout the day. And the skin on our face is constantly exposed to all the outer elements. Give it some love and attention! It's also your time to ask an expert for tips on skin care. 

As a follow up to that tip, make sure you're going to a dermatologist once a year to do a skin check for anything concerning. Skin cancer is treatable but you have to catch it early.

And now...why do men cheat and why do some of them seem to think it's not even a big deal?

Dr. Robert Weiss' is a therapist who has worked with couples with infidelity issues for three decades. As he reflects on what he's observed, he says,

"As a therapist, I find most of the reasons that cheating men use to justify their infidelity fascinating—because almost all of these reasons imply that cheating was the only logical solution to their relationship issues and other life problems."

These men are not men. They're boys who don't know how to communicate and blame everyone and everything else for their problems.

Some of the reasons Dr. Robert Weiss cites in his article as how men justify their cheating are...

• Every guy wants to have sex with other women. And when the opportunity arises, he takes it. 
• If I got enough (or better) sex at home, I wouldn’t need to cheat. 
• If my job wasn’t so stressful, I wouldn’t need the release I get from online sex. 
• I’m only sexting and flirting. Where’s the harm in that? I don’t meet up with any of these women in person. It’s just a game. 

But none of these reasons show a man who is capable of taking responsibility or who understands that no one else is responsible for meeting his needs.

And the BIGGEST LIE we are told as women is that WE need to adjust in some way in order to change his behavior. 

I want you to think of his behavior as that of a drug addict. Because he really is addicted--to attention. So if you were dating a guy who was a drug addict, you wouldn't think, how can I change my behavior so that he isn't addicted to cocaine anymore?

No!! Because it's not about the drug. It's about him unable to make himself happy so he needs something else to do it for him. If he couldn't find cocaine (or whatever his drug of choice) he'd find something else to get the high and numb the pain.

In the early stages of dating, we get a little bit tricked, because everything is new and exciting, so we get a "high". But as you are with someone in a relationship for longer and longer, the "highs" get fewer and farther between.

But if you come into dating already happy and fulfilled and content with your life, you're not chasing those highs anyway. So when they go away you're still just going on about your life.

But the Gumball Guy can't do that. He LIVES for the highs. So when he's not getting the constant attention he craves, he doesn't know what to do with himself, so he goes elsewhere. When he says you're not meeting his needs, what he really means is he's incapable of meeting his own needs as he should. 

Listen to the full episode above to hear me go deeper on what these men are thinking when they try and justify the cheating, and what the REAL issue is. I'll also talk about why you "not being enough" in some way is not real, what makes a good partner, and what you should be looking out for early on in dating a guy to know if he'll likely be a cheater. 

You can also click the link below to download the full free red flags guide to save you time and heartbreak!

And of course, if you're in a situation where you suspect your partner of cheating or you know he has, you don't have to go through this alone. Feel free to DM me on Instagram, email me, or book a 1-1 session with me and I won't make you feel bad or stupid or like you HAVE to break up with him RIGHT NOW.

xoxo,

Melissa

Work with Melissa

Need help stopping the cycle of toxic relationships, living happily single, and finding true love? If you're tired of being the only person in your friend group who's not in a healthy, happy relationship, I can help you! Here's how:

• The Level Up for Love one-on-one coaching package, which includes taking the Gumball Love Assessment and Relationship Analysis, four coaching sessions with Melissa and one coaching session with Iain and Melissa as a couple, or
  
• Join the VIP Private Facebook Group
• Follow Melissa on Instagram: @melissajaneroberts