The Psychological Reason for Ghosting that No One Talks About [Podcast Episode 41]

The Cosmo magazines of the world will tell you you're being ghosted because you're too clingy, or revealing emotions too soon. Guys will tell you they just forgot or don't like to be on their phone all the time. But is that really the case, or is there a deeper, more psychological reason?

A guy from an online dating app texts you, "Hey, what's up." You continue on with a shallow text conversation for a while and finally ask..."Should we meet up?" Suddenly, he becomes the busiest guy in the world and can't find any time to pencil you in but keeps promising you'll meet up some vague time in the future.

By the end of this episode you will know why he does this, why it has nothing to do with you, and you will understand the true pain behind his shallow, distant texts. You will be able to separate his behavior from your self worth.

In this episode, I cover:

• What "pick-up artists" for men are teaching (and not teaching) to shy, insecure guys, and why it hurts more than it helps
• Why these men are so scared to go on a date with you, and why it's not about you
• Why dating an insecure man and trying to convince him you like him will eventually destroy you
• Why sometimes you have really amazing dates with them but ultimately it's never a happy ending
• How to spot the red flags of a guy who's lacking confidence
• Why trying to build up his confidence always backfires
• How joining the Back to YOU Academy can help you get out of this situation and avoid these situations in the future

 You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or Spotify, or listen on Youtube.

What "pick-up" artists for men are teaching (and not teaching) shy, insecure men

I'll admit it, I pretend I'm a man to sign up for email lists of "pick-up artists" who "teach men how to get the girl". These people target shy, insecure men who don't have much experience with girls, and claim to teach them the tips, tricks, and techniques to get the girl on a date and into bed.

Sadly, that's as far as the teaching goes. They never teach these men what to do on date number 17. They never teach them how to authentically communicate with another human being and how to just be comfortable in their own skin. And everyone involved suffers.

Why these men are so scared to go on a date with you

I've spoken a bit before about after a while of dating, men suddenly do a 180 and say they just want to be friends.

The men I talk about in this episode can't even get to the first date. But it's about those same deep insecurities of inadequacy and not being enough.

The idea of going on a date with you is so scary because they don't know who they are, or they have an ideal image in their head of what they're supposed to be that they're not measuring up to.

In this episode I go deeper on the dialogue going on in their head and why they say things like "I see you have a Kate Spade bag, I hope you don't expect me to buy one of those for you for Christmas", or, "I'm really shy at first but I open up when you get to know me." 

Why dating men like this will eventually destroy you

We are nurturing beings. We have good hearts and want everyone to feel comfortable and loved. But soon you will start to lose yourself in trying to build up his confidence. You will start to tip toe around what you really want to say to avoid hurting his feelings. And this is no longer relationship building.

It is not your job to water down your success and make yourself small when he says he doesn't deserve you. You cannot break down his walls for him.

How The Back to YOU Academy can help

When you join the academy and get back to you, it’s not about changing you, I teach you how to see yourself as the beautiful woman you already are.

Often, we see the guy who doesn’t accept himself because we’re the woman who doesn’t accept herself. 

My mission in life is to show you how to separate his behavior from your worth.

In the Academy, you will have life time access to a full library of an online course designed to help you grow your confidence and know your self-worth so that you do not continue to be stuck in this cycle of toxic relationships.

You will learn how to relax while dating and establish a true, authentic connection with people. And you will do it all with the support of other women in the Academy who understand you. You will learn and grow from each other.

And for now, if you become a monthly member, you will have access to a free monthly one on one coaching session with me, so we can go even deeper on your specific situation. 

Follow the link below to sign up! Or please email me or DM me on Instagram if you have any questions at all!

Want more?

Read John Powell's book: Why I'm Afraid to Tell You Who I am

Join the Back to You Academy: Click here!

Work with Melissa

Need help stopping the cycle of toxic relationships, living happily single, and finding true love? If you're tired of being the only person in your friend group who's not in a healthy, happy relationship, I can help you! Here's how:

• The Level Up for Love one-on-one coaching package, which includes taking the Gumball Love Assessment and Relationship Analysis, four coaching sessions with Melissa and one coaching session with Iain and Melissa as a couple, or
  
• Join the VIP Private Facebook Group
• Follow Melissa on Instagram: @melissajaneroberts