5 signs to tell early on if he's the wrong one [Podcast Episode 43]

Are you confident in being able to distinguish between a good guy and a Gumball Guy on your own? How long does it take you to determine he's not the right one? After this podcast, you'll have a bloodhound nose for sniffing out the bad guys quickly just like me (I just got a puppy so my mind is SO on dogs!!). 

If you've been following this podcast for a while, chances are by now you've come to terms with the fact that your ex was a Gumball Guy, or the guy you're dating now is a Gumball Guy (and if not, go back to the beginning!) :)

But now, as you enter back into the dating scene, you might find it difficult to trust your own judgement. You might have a hunch this guy is a Gumball Guy but  you're second-guessing yourself. And the longer you are not sure and continue to feel him out, the more time you're wasting, and the more danger you're in of really falling for a Gumball Guy again.

I bet you're saying, "Melissa! I wish you could be sitting at the next table in a disguise next to us!" Well, since I can't do that, here is my gift to you...

I've dated SO many Gumball Guys, that I have a ninja sixth sense when it comes to identifying them right away. And since I can't be there with you on the date, or be looking over your shoulder at the text message thread to analyze, I've outlined some quick ways to know right away that you've got a Gumball Guy on your hands.

Pretty soon you won't even need me anymore! But until you can confidently KNOW and also LEAVE the situation and not feel bad about it, I want you to join the Back to YOU Academy or book a 1-1 coaching session with me. The next academy launches September 9th and will launch monthly from then on!

You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, or listen on Youtube.

1. Inconsistent Communication

In the beginning, they're texting you back really quickly. Then, their responses come in less and less frequently. All the sudden they're so "busy" or "forgot their phone" or whatever excuse. Then it's fast again for a little while, and then back to slow. You're often wondering...will he respond back this time?

And not just inconsistent communication in terms of response time, but also in terms of their actual response. Maybe you had a really deep intimate conversation about his relationship with his brother in the past, and when you bring it up again, he just brushes it off and says it's not a big deal. He makes you feel silly for even asking. And then YOU end up feeling defensive.

2. Inconsistent Enthusiasm

He's hot and cold. Really excited and into it one minute, and the next it's "sorry I'm just tired." You start to wonder if he's lost interest in you. I want you to see that it is NOT about you. Press him about the cause of him going from up to down. If he seems down, point it out and ask what's going on. 

3. Reluctant/doesn't know how to make real plans

You're often wondering...when are we going to actually hang out? It's always, "we'll see" or "I'll let you know". And/or, he doesn't really know where to take you or what to do. 

4. Talking negatively about other women

He notices when you or other women own things that are threatening to him, like an expensive bag or car, and he brings it up with a "you think you're better than me?" kind of attitude. He assumes you think you're better when you've given no other indication other than just living in your lifestyle. He makes you feel defensive about it. But he's insecure in his lifestyle. Or, the last woman who rejected him lived that lifestyle, so now he's taking out his anger on you.

5. Never taking any of the blame

They go into the date talking about their ex and how it was all their ex's fault. They haven't taken any ownership for their contribution to the break up. We all do things that are wrong, and we need to admit when we're wrong. 

Not only in his past relationships, but in any relationship, whether it's work, family, or friends, it's never his fault and the world is out to get him. 

Stop dating a temp while you're looking for a qualified candidate for the position

When a Gumball Guy is dating you, a high-caliber woman, he's been given a job he's not qualified to do. He's like a temp. A temp fills a void while the company looks for a qualified candidate for the role. He doesn't know how to live in your lifestyle or be the man you need.

We have to cut these guys out. They're slowing down the process. It's TEMPting (lol) to date the temp, but you're dating an unqualified guy. And no matter how hard you try, you cannot MAKE him qualified for the job.

If he's the right guy, you won't feel the need to check if he's a Gumball Guy or not. When you find the qualified candidate at a job, they don't need to be managed, they just sync with the role and the company. 

If you're sick of wasting time dating temps and want to find the real thing, join the next Back to YOU Academy!

Join the Back to You Academy: Click here!

Work with Melissa

Need help stopping the cycle of toxic relationships, living happily single, and finding true love? If you're tired of being the only person in your friend group who's not in a healthy, happy relationship, I can help you! Here's how:

• The Level Up for Love one-on-one coaching package, which includes taking the Gumball Love Assessment and Relationship Analysis, four coaching sessions with Melissa and one coaching session with Iain and Melissa as a couple, or
  
• Join the VIP Private Facebook Group
• Follow Melissa on Instagram: @melissajaneroberts