Are you Ready to Date Again after a Toxic Relationship?

Are you ready to date again? You recently got out of a toxic relationship...cheers to you! So how do you know if you're ready to get back into the dating scene or if you should take a break?

We all know that saying..."To get over him you have to get under someone else." Does that really work? It "works" for Gumball People. And you are not a Gumball Person, because you're reading this post!

In this episode I go over why it's important to hold off on dating after a toxic relationship and how to get ready to date again with examples and of course, analogies...you know I love analogies;)

You can also download and subscribe to this podcast for free on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, or Spotify.

Why it's important to wait until you're ready to date again

We underestimate the damage of being in a toxic relationship. Our Gumball ex is that voice of doubt in the back of our minds whenever we do something. Like when you're trying to decide if you should buy a plant or a candle for that table and the voice inside says, "Is it dumb to even buy anything for the table?". This pattern of mental abuse continues even when he's not there.

When you're fresh out of a break-up, you're emotional, you're hurting, so you are not your best you. When you jump right back into dating, you are wondering, "Am I desirable?". And THAT is the time when you are being a Gumball Girl, because you're looking for the guy to validate you and soothe you, rather than seeking out a true connection. 

How to get ready to date again

1. Get rid of other toxic relationships in your life

You need to acknowledge that that romantic relationship probably wasn't the only toxic relationship that exists in your life. You'll never be able to recognize the signs of a Gumball Guy if you're constantly letting others put you down and ignore you in your life. Take a look at all your relationships with friends, family members, coworkers...heck, even your dentist! Cut the bad relationships out like a cancerous cell.

2. Give yourself permission to take your time

The two biggest objections I hear when I tell girls to take a year off from dating is, "but I want to have sex!" and, "but I'm running out of time to have children!".

Let's look at the facts. The average married couple has sex 8-10 times a month. And the average sexual experience lasts 2-8 minutes. Sex is a VERY small part of marriage. Plus, is the sex even good if you don't have a true connection with the person? It's not really about the sex. It's about wanting to feel desired. And that's Gumball territory.

If you're meant to have children you will have children. But you need to give yourself time to heal in order to find the right person to have them with. You're in a rush...but let's look at the other facts. Seventy percent of married couples are cheating, and fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. We've been brought up to believe in this fairy tale of love...but let's look at reality, it doesn't actually exist! You may be feeling pressure from others to get married, but do you really want their kind of marriages?

3. Get to know and love who you are and be confident in what you do

 A lot of the women I coach feel the need to hide what they do for work because it intimidates the man. You shouldn't feel punished for your success. If he's intimidated, than he's not the right one for you.

Giving yourself time to heal and grow will mean the right person will meet you when you're in full bloom, not when you're hurting and broken. 

Getting to know you doesn't mean changing who you are, but pulling out the amazing person you already are inside but who was lost in the toxic relationship. Part of my work with coaching you is to recognize that amazing person inside.

You don't have to do this alone

The girls in the Back to YOU Academy have found it so valuable to go through this experience with others who understand. Sign up below! 

Join the Back to You Academy: Click here!

Work with Melissa

Need help stopping the cycle of toxic relationships, living happily single, and finding true love? If you're tired of being the only person in your friend group who's not in a healthy, happy relationship, I can help you! Here's how:

• The Level Up for Love one-on-one coaching package, which includes taking the Gumball Love Assessment and Relationship Analysis, four coaching sessions with Melissa and one coaching session with Iain and Melissa as a couple, or
  
• Join the VIP Private Facebook Group
• Follow Melissa on Instagram: @melissajaneroberts